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#102 : T'as pas de tatouage ?

Sooz cherche quelqu'un à photographier pour son projet d'art. Voyant que Sasha sort avec Chris, Rob propose à Sooz, secrètement amoureuse de lui, de photographier son tatouage. Au départ réjouie par la proposition de Rob, Sooz est finalement déçue car il ne se passe rien entre eux. Elle, qui pensait que Rob la voyait différemment des autres personnes, se rend compte que ce n'est pas le cas.

Titre VO
Sooz's POV

Titre VF
T'as pas de tatouage ?

Première diffusion
23.01.2001

Plus de détails

Réalisateur : Brian Grant

Casting : Paul Chequer l Caroline Chikezie l Emily Corrie l Jemina Rooper l Ben Waters l Orlando Wells

Guest : Freddie Annobil­Doddo

As If - Ep102 (Sooz's POV)

Sooz's room.
Sooz holding up a poster of a naked woman saying "HUGE ONES"

Sooz: <to camera> Eye-catching. Yeah? <looks at her chest and shrugs>


College.
Jamie stops to look at Sooz's poster, Alex and Sooz watch.

Sooz: It always helps to appeal to the lowest common denominator.

Sooz's room.
Reading out poster.

Sooz: <to camera> Now I've got your attention, if you're a bloke with a tattoo, I'd like to see it. If I like it, I'd like to take a photograph of it. I'm not a perv - it's for my art and design project. If you're interested, contact Sooz.


College
.

Sooz: Oh do me a favour!

Jamie: Well if its the only way you can get a bloke to go out with you.

Sooz: Jamie! This is strictly a professional thing. Your problem is your brains permanently wired to your package.

Jamie: Alex, a girl with tattoos advertises for a bloke with tattoos...

Sooz: For an art project!

Jamie: ...what are you gonna think?

Alex: I'd think that she wants to see their tattoos for an art project Jamie...

Sooz laughs and hugs Alex.

Alex: ...and then boff 'em big time!

Alex and Jamie laugh.


Out and about
.

Sooz: <to camera> See what I'm up against? All right, men with tattoos are sexy, seriously sexy some of them. But I can rise above that.

Later...

Jamie: I was thinking of getting a tattoo done actually.

Sooz: Radical.

Jamie: Y;know, something meaningful, thoughtful.

Alex: What, like Nicki?

Sooz: <laughing> Underneath a sweet pink bunnikins. Nice!. Sorry Jamie, didn't mean to intrude on personal grief there.

Jamie: Yeah give me a break will you? I'm over her.

Messing around Jamie bumps into Nicki.

Jamie: Oh, er..wotcha Nicki, Sasha.

Nicki: I just want you to leave me alone, OK Jamie?

Jamie: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah whatever.

Later... Sooz is drawing fruit.

Sooz: <to camera> Fruit. fascinating This is what the art department think the examiners want to see. I am gonna fight the fruit police by any means possible.


Ground Floor Cafe
.
Rob brings Sooz's coffee and walks away. Sooz tastes it.

Sooz: Rob! <he turns> I can't drink this.

Rob: Well whats wrong with it?

Sooz: Its disgusting, its like lukewarm.

Rob: I just made it.

Sooz: And you made it lukewarm.

Rob: Well there's foam on a cappuccino..

Sooz: So there is!

Rob: No, the foam is lukewarm.

Sooz: I don't care, its still disgusting.


Sooz's room
.

Sooz: <to camera> Argh!


Ground Floor Cafe
.

Rob: Well d'you want another one?

Sooz: If its hot, yeah.


Sooz's room.

Sooz: <to camera> I just fancy him so much! He's got this thing that he does, like on the pad he takes orders on, when he's finished with it he sort of tucks it into the waist of his strides and it pushes up his shirt so you can sort of see his..Mmm


Ground Floor Cafe
.
Jamie sits next to Sooz and shows her a drawing of a "horny devil".

Jamie: Finished.

Sooz: <laughing> You'll be a real babe magnet Jamie.

Jamie: You're laughing now but you'll be gagging to use me for your project when I've had it done.

Sooz: In your dreams sad-boy.

Jamie: <turning round> Oh er Rob? Could we get a stick over here for Sooz please?

Sooz: What are you on about?

Jamie: Well you'll need it won't you? To beat off all the blokes desperate to model for you <looks around> Oh, oh there don't seem to be any.

Sooz: There will be, the ad hasn't been up that long y'know.

Jamie: None of the blokes I know would go near you for a bet.

Sooz: <hurt> Cheers Jamie.

Jamie: No offense, but theres nothing sexy about being the bitch from hell is there? <walks off> Hey Rob!

Sooz: Yeah well! At least people don't ask me to leave them alone in the street!


Sooz's room
.
Sooz on steps outside filming her own tattoos.

Sooz: <to camera> I mean, with me, what you see is what you get, right. Blokes can't handle that that's their problem. So I'm not a sheep like the other girlies in college, big deal. It doesn't make me Myra Hindley. <Sooz's camera goes off> Great!


Root Bar
.

Sooz: Al, do I frighten you?

Alex: Course you do. But then I've led a sheltered life haven't I?

Sooz: <as Sasha and Nicki pass> Slasha...is scary.

Sooz and Alex watching.

Sasha: You sure these trousers look OK?

Nicki: You look great.

Sasha: They don't make my...

Nicki: Your bum looks great, everything looks great!

Sooz takes pic of the barman's tattoo.

Sooz: Cheers mate.

Alex: <watching Jamie come up to Nicki and Sasha> Oh no. Tell me when its all over.

Jamie: Look, I know you want me to leave you alone and I'm gonna, its just I want you to know I know I'm a sad git.

Nicki: Oh you know you're a sad git!

Jamie: <bangs beer bottles together for attention> Everyone! I am a sad git.

Nicki: Jamie!

Jamie: <to Nicki> And I'm sorry.

Nicki: You're a sorry sad git? <laughs>

Jamie: <arms above his head> Yes!

Alex: The thing you've gotta respect about Jamie right, is not only does he not take "no" for an answer, he doesn't take "I'd rather stick needles in my eyes" for an answer. <looks at Sooz> Sooz? <she looks at him> Oh I'm just talking to myself.

Sooz is watching Sasha flirt with Chris.

Chris: Not only are you the most beautifulist woman in this room but the hottest as well.

Sasha: Innit.

Chris: You can't see yourself babe, I can.


Out and about
.

Sooz: <to camera> I mean "hello"! Sasha is a total total total cow right? And nobody slags her for it, except me. And according to Jamie, I'm the one with the image problem. Yeah right, according to Jamie!


Ground Floor Cafe
.

Alex: <to Sooz> How's the mighty project going?

Jamie: Don't ask. She can't get a bloke to model for it - too scary.

Rob brings coffee

Rob: <to Sooz> There you are. Extra hot.

Sooz: Cheers.

Jamie: Y'know you can get blood poisoning and all sorts from tattoo parlours.

Alex: Ahh. Is that why you wimped out on "Mr Horny"?

Jamie: I haven't wimped out, its just its a big step right, marking yourself forever. Anyway, not everyone likes tattoos.

Alex: Go on then, who is she?

Jamie: Who?

Sooz: Its Nicki isn't it? You found out she doesn't like horrible rough men with tattoos.

Jamie: Well excuse me for moving on. <sips Sooz's coffee> Ow! Bloody hell that's boiling!

Alex: Sooz, what about Rob?


Sooz's room.

Sooz: <to camera> I know I've had a few drinks right. But he is the most beautiful man I've ever seen. Ever in my entire miserable little life.


Ground Floor Cafe
.

Sooz: What about Rob?

Alex: He's got a tattoo.

Jamie: Hey Rob!

Sooz: Jamie!

Jamie: D'you wanna model for Sooz's project?

Sooz: <to Rob> Its OK <shakes her head>

Rob: Sorry mate I don't do topless.

Rob watches Sasha flirt with Chris and follows her when she leaves.

Rob: Oi! Chris just ask you out then or what?

Sasha: Haven't you got customers to serve or something?

Rob: Did he?

Sasha: Excuse me, this is none of your business! No he didn't actually, we've already been out. Hope that's enough information.


College
.
Sooz is drawing fruit again. Rob comes up behind her.

Rob: Sooz!

She tries to hide what shes doing.

Sooz: What are you doing here?

Rob: D'you know where I can find Jamie?

Sooz: He's been spending a lot of time in the IT department lately.

Rob: Chat rooms! <grabs her folder> what's this?

Sooz: Erm...work in progress.

Walks Rob to the IT room.

Rob: So what happened to the photography thing?

Sooz: Erm, no takers on the model front. Try in there <points to IT room>

Rob knocks on the window and waves at Jamie.

Rob: Y'know I've got a tattoo. You can take a picture if you like, if you're still interested.

Sooz: Yeah right.

Rob: No, serious. It won't take long will it?

Sooz: No. But I mean, it's a bit of a pain for you isn't it? If you don't want to, y'know, don't bother.

Rob: So, I'll come to your house then?

Sooz: OK. Yeah that'd be great. Perfect.


Sooz's room.

Sooz: <to camera> Blimey. Result!

Rob knocks on Sooz's window and we see a flashback of her trying to decide what to wear.

Sooz: Come in then.

Rob: No problem <sees Sooz's Eraserhead poster> Hey, top film.

Sooz: You've seen it?

Rob: Yeah I've read the odd book as well.

Sooz: Nah it's just it's an old film, I don't know anyone whose seen it that's all.

Rob: Yeah well my Dads really into it. Bit worrying really.

Sooz looks nervous.

Rob: So, where d'you want me?

Sooz: There's cool.

Rob takes his top off and sits down.

Rob: All right?

Sooz: Great. <taking pics> The original idea was to get like a collection of tattoos that blokes already have and then compare them with tattoos and body decorations from other cultures. Y'know like er that <points to things on walls> and that.

Rob spots a picture of Sooz with her face painted with swirls.

Rob: That's you innit?

Sooz: Yeah. It's just body paint. I copied the design from er this <hands a book to Rob>

Rob: Cool.

Sooz: Theres some really wild stuff in there, not that I'd have the guts to ever get it done properly.

Rob: Its weird isn't it, I'd have thought there'd be loads of people at college with tattoos. Are you sure you looked around enough?

(Flashback to Jamie telling Sooz no-one he knows would go near her for a bet.)

Sooz: According to Jamie nobody wanted to do it..cos blokes find me terrifying, or something.

Rob: You're not terrifying.

Sooz: I should tell you I know why you're helping me out. I know it's not exactly out the goodness of your heart.


College
.
Flashback to Rob and Sooz outside the IT room.

Rob: So I'm coming to your house?

Sooz: Yep.

Rob: You better give me the number then.

Sooz: Right.

She writes on his hand and he walks off. Sooz looks into the IT room and sees Sasha watching.


Sooz's room.

Rob: No you're being paranoid. It's not like I'm doing this to make Sasha jealous. Serious. Your problem is you don't trust anyone.

Sooz: Correct.

Rob: If you don't trust anyone...

Sooz: Please Rob, don't go all Dawson's Creek on me, I can't handle it. Well I suppose you can put that back on <throws him his top>

Rob: <grins> I've got a better idea.

Sooz lights candles and Rob lies on the bed.

Sooz: You sure you wanna do this?

Rob: I'm up for it if you are.

Sooz paints Robs back.

Rob: Tickles.

Sooz: Sorry.

Rob: It's quite nice. <he fidgets>

Sooz: Am I hurting you?

Rob: No, there's just something...here <Pulls some magazines from under the pillow>

Sooz: Oh hold on I'll take...no hold on!

Rob pulls more mags from under the bed (vanity fair, new woman, cosmo etc) gives Sooz a funny look.


Out and about
.Sooz reading from magazine.

Sooz <to camera> You're at a party and a gorgeous guy you've been trying to cop off with all night starts flirting with your best friend. Do you..? A, take her to one side, explain your interest and ask her for a chance with him. B, put on more lippy, flirt for England and convince him you're ten times more fabulous than she'll ever be. C, tell him your friend's celebrating cos her boyfriend just got out of prison for GBH. <she grins and nods> C.


Sooz's room
.She holds a mirror so Rob can see what shes done so far.

Sooz: Check it out.

Rob: Oh nice one.

Sooz: I'm gonna start filling in now.

Rob fidgets.

Rob: Hold on, let me see.

Sooz: Your trouble is you don't trust anyone. If you don't trust people Rob...

Rob: <grins> OK OK...Sasha used to say I didn't trust her enough. I don't suppose you really knew Sasha that well did you?

Sooz: Well no. Different subjects, in college y'know.

Rob: She's er, well, there's a lot to her y'know.

Sooz: I'll take your word for it eh?


College
.
Sooz is taking down her poster. Spots Sasha & Nicki round the corner and stops to listen.

Sasha: So I'm like "wow, you must really work out" we're talking six pack.

Nicki: Never mind his six pack girl, what about his lunchbox?

Sasha: Nicki! Chris and I have had one date. <they giggle> Well put it this way - I'm not gonna be skipping lunch from now on, y'know what I'm saying? Which is good cos with Rob I've been on a diet way too long. <more giggling>


Sooz's room
.

Sooz: I hope you don't mind me saying, it's just I could never really work out what there was between you two.

Rob: Well what wasn't there between us? She's amazing.

Sooz: Must be hard - seeing her with someone else.

Rob: You mean Chris?

Sooz: Yeah.

Rob: She's not with him, they just went out once. <fidgets>

Sooz: Careful, you'll smudge it. I thought...Nah forget it.

Rob: No, what?

Sooz: Nothing...I suppose it could've been a one night thing y'know, it's not like she's "with him". I'm just an old fashioned girl I suppose, it's not as if they have to get married.

Rob: You heard Sasha slept with Chris?


Root bar
.
Flashback to Sooz watching Sasha and Chris. Sasha shows Chris a box of condoms.

Chris: You'll need more than one of those tonight babe.

Sasha: That a promise?

Chris: Thats a guarantee, or your money back.


Sooz's room
.
Rob looks devastated.

Sooz: Look Rob, lets just erase this entire conversation OK? I probably got the wrong end of the stick.


Out and about
.
Sooz reading mag.

Sooz: <to camera> Mostly Cs. You're a prize bitch. Load of crap. <throws mag away>


Sooz's room
.

Sooz: Your dad must be pretty cool.

Rob: My dad?

Sooz: Well y'know, Eraserhead, tattoos. I mean, god, my parents think I'm the spawn of satan - which I am.

Flash of Sooz jumping on the bed to loud music and her dad shouting "Susan!"

Rob: Parents, yeah.

Sooz: So he's not cool then, your dad?

Rob: I think he's a bit too cool.

Sooz: Like father like son eh?

Rob: I'm not like my dad Sooz.

Sooz: What about your mum?

Rob: D'you really think I'm too cool?

Sooz: Not too cool, y'know, you're just, you're, y'know you're <Sooz's mobile rings> <to phone> Yep?


Jamie's room
.
Jamie is sat at his computer.

Jamie: Yeah hi Sooz. Listen, I've got a bit of a problem. In a bra size, is a double D like really big?


Sooz's room
.

Sooz: <to phone> Much too big for you Jamie, I'd say you're a 34A tops.

Jamie: Come on, I'm serious. Are we talking mutant size?

Sooz: Is this phone sex on the cheap or what? Cos I really don't have the time. <hangs up> <to Rob> Sorry about that.

Rob: Y'know I think Sasha's just...I think she just ended up getting fed up with me and what she wanted, I think she just wanted me to open up more.

Sooz: What are you, a tin of sardines? <takes photo of Rob's back> Finished.

Rob gets up and looks in the mirror.

Rob: Ooo.

Sooz: Get in a fight?

Rob: Hmm?

Sooz: Bruises on your back?

Rob: Oh erm cupboard walked into me at work. Erm here... <starts tidying up>

Sooz: It's all right you don't need to...

Rob: Erm...

Sooz: I'm sure you've got better things to do than erm...Thanks and that.

Rob: Yeah, anytime. It was an experience. Y'know it was nice to y'know...y'know.

Sooz: No, what?

Rob: Y'know, talk, whatever. Get to know you better.

Sooz: Yeah <Mobile rings> <to phone> Yep?


Jamie's room.

Jamie: <to phone> Are we talking Pamela Anderson or mighty jugs Jenkins? All I wanna know.


Sooz's room
.
Rob tidies up while Sooz is on the phone.

Sooz: <laughing> we're talking ample yet not deformed OK? I can't even begin to imagine why you need this information Jamie.

Rob: Wheres this go Sooz?

Jamie: <on phone> Who's that?

Sooz: <to phone> Rob. <to Rob> Up there <points>

Jamie: What're you doing with Rob?

Rob: <shouts> Hi Jamie.

Sooz: Wouldn't you like to know. <hangs up>


Jamie's room
.
Staring at phone.

Jamie: <to himself> Yeah actually, I would.


Sooz's room
.
Rob is dressed ready to leave.

Sooz: Well Jamie'll have something to say anyway.

Rob: How d'you mean?

Sooz: Y'know, you, in my room. Just add Jamie for instant gossip.

Rob: <laughs> I think even Jamie knows the score on that one Sooz. <Sooz looks upset> Seriously though, I had a good time today.

Sooz: Me too.

Rob: Yeah, we could talk without any of that other stuff getting in the way. Y'know, cos it could've been weird with a girl.

Sooz: I am a girl.

Rob: No I mean like a real girl. Like one I fancy and stuff. <Sooz nods and looks upset>

Sooz: Don't forget to wash it off will you.

Rob: No. Erm well, see you.

Rob holds his hand out and Sooz shakes it. Rob leaves and Sooz sits on the bed looking unhappy.

Sooz: <to camera> I am a real girl.

Sooz filming herself ripping up her poster. Her camera goes off

Sooz: Great!

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